"Change This"

Pickup Lines

Put Downs

I'm God's gift to women, baby. God must give gag gifts, because you're gagging me.
I'll let you do anything you want to me. Then hunting you for sport it is my gun's in my purse, start running pal.
You want to meet my friend? I've just made myself a stranger to you and your little pal.
I want to trade stock in you, baby. If your IQ ever reaches 50, you should sell.
You're a flower, I want to pick you. You're an ass, so go pick that.
What's it like being the luckiest girl in the world? What's it like being the dumbest guy in the world?
That shirt is becoming on you, I'd be coming on you too? That line really hurt me, I'm about to really hurt you too.
I'm trying to imagine you naked. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
How much will it cost me to be serviced by you? Sarcasm is the only service you're getting and it's free.
If you want to do it, I've got ten minutes. Well don't you have delusions of adequacy?
Aw, come on, sure you remember me? Oh yeah that's right! Gee, next time I'll have to flush twice.
Do you want to go back to my place? No, I've never wanted to see hell.
Hey, baby, what's your sign? It's a dead end for you pal.
I bet I could please every woman on earth. By returning to your own planet?
You look like a dream. You look like a nightmare.
Where have you been all my life? Where have you been shopping all of yours, Goodwill?
Wanna take me out somewhere? (Make a fist) No but I'll take you out right here.
Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me? Only you and you're dreaming.
What will it cost me? Oh nothing, I give free sex changes.
My kiss is registered as a weapon. Yeah and I know why too, because of your killer breath.
Are you looking for a man? Yeah, do you know where I can find one?
Were you once a man? Were you?
I can make you the happiest woman on earth. Plan on getting lost in space do you? That would do it.
I'm easy why aren't you? Because I'm smart, why aren't you?
Your like 7-11 baby but what time do your legs open? Your like a huge wart I need to get rid of.
I'll take the sheepherder's special, some of ewe. Then bend over so I can serve you my foot.
I'd go through anything for you. Then go through the door and out of my sight.
Add you to me, subtract our clothes, divide
your legs and multiply my pleasure.
Add my fist to your face, subtract your teeth, divide
your butt cheeks while I multiply kicking you there.
Do you have a little (Ethnicity) in you? Do you want some? You're a prime candidate for natural deselecting
I'm a former womanizer. I'm a former fatal attraction.
Are you tired from running through my head so much? No but I'm through listening to your tired pick up lines.
You're good looking honey. But you're not, loser.
I bet your lips could make a lollipop very happy. Your feet leaving could make me very happy too.
Hey it's about to rain, how about I use your
big boobs as an umbrella?
Well you got something in your teeth, how about
you use your tiny penis as a toothpick?
Your name must be Campbell's, because you
are mmm, mmm good.
Your name must be Drano, because a big clog will
soon be gone.
You must know magic because you bewitched me. I see another witch already turned you into a toad.
Your body is a temple and I want to worship it. Sorry, services are forbidden to infidels.
I can tell you want me. Yes, I want you to die.
Haven't I seen you someplace before? Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Is this seat empty? Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down
Your place or mine? Both, you go to your place and I'll go to mine.
If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. If I could see you naked, I'd die laughing.
I want to give myself to you. I don't accept cheap gifts.
Hi, I'm your new husband. And I'm your new X-wife, good bye.
There's a circus in my pants & you're invited. Sorry, I have a fear of clowns.
There's a party in my pants & you're invited. Only if I can bring my nut cracker.
Can I give you a ride? No I don't want to go down a dead end road.
Lets go to my place and you can fix my toilet seat for me. Only if I can flush you down it afterwards.
What would you say if I changed the alphabet so "U" & "I" are together? No I'd rather say "F" - "U"
***Any line used*** Wow! I've discovered the missing link and now I know why it was missing for so long.
***Any line used*** Yeah, I've heard it. Thank you and good bye.
***Any line used*** Just like the 1900's Zeppelin crash, full of hot air.
***Any line used*** The only way I'd lay naked with you is in a mass grave.
***Any line used*** Did you make up that line yourself or did you have help?
***Any line used*** You're such a man, I'm so impressed... (Scoff) Not!
***Any line used*** If I want to talk to a vegetable I know where the market is.
***Any line used*** Hey aren't you that guy the on the news they caught making it with farm animals? Get away from me Caligula!
***Any line used*** If being ugly were a crime, you'd of been born in prison.
***Any line used*** Not the brightest crayon in the box now are you?
***Any line used*** Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
***Any line used*** When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
***Any line used*** You look the "do it yourself" type to me.
***Any line used*** I'm sorry but my last boyfriend was just murdered. (Pause) That is if my check cleared.
***Any line used*** Why should I suffer because you over inflated your blow up doll?
***Any line used*** When pick-lines fail and put downs attack.
***Any line used*** If you can read get "Pick up lines for dummies" before this happens again.
***Any line used*** Wait here, I'll have to ask my cult leader about you first.