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Outside the Confront Motel Chad parks the RV. and everyone gets out.
HANNA: Oh great we're stuck at the flee bag motel for the night.
TONYA: I told you Hanna, we might have to stay is less than five star hotels before you came with us.
HANNA: This isn't even a one star motel, it's more like a black hole.
DOMINIC: I just hope this place doesn't have hidden cameras.
HANNA: Oh will you give it a rest? (Sighs) I've had to hear you go on and on about some conspiracy or another.
DOMINIC: Should I talk about make-up and fashion, would that suit you?
TONYA: Enter the drag queen. (Chuckles) Stay out of my closet will you pal?
DOMINIC: Look baby, I'm all man. (Points to Alllison) Just ask your cousin.
TONYA: Ooo! (Scoffs) Don't be so touchy, it was just a joke.
ALLISON: It wasn't funny, Tonya.
HANNA: I'm in no mood for stupid jokes, could we give them a rest?
WADE: Bitch, bitch, bitch. (Scoffs) That's all you've done this whole trip, for a cheerleader you've been pretty cheerless.
HANNA: Maybe because I had to put up with you too, Wade.
ERIC: Whoa, she burned you dude!
Tonya, Eric, Hanna, Wade, Hanna and Dominic start bickering.
CHARLIE: People we need to check in. (Yells) All of you shut up!
TONYA: Thank you, Charlie. (Sighs) I couldn't have said it better myself.
CHARLIE: I was talking about you too, sweetheart.
Tonya's jaw drops as Charlie walks towards the motel office.
FULL FRAME TITLE: Who's been sleeping in my bed?
Hanna is sitting on her bed in a teddie when she hears a key at the door and Wade comes in.
WADE: What a dump. (He notices Hanna) Whoa! (Putting his stuff down) But then again I wasn't expecting room service or to be serviced in my room. (Admiringly) Is that the schools new cheerleader outfit? (Whistles) Very nice.
HANNA: Look I'm in no mood for you and your sexist remarks, I want to be alone.
WADE: (Suspiciously) You what to be alone dressed like that and in my room? (Scoffs) Yeah, sure you do.
HANNA: I'm sleeping in this, besides this is my room and I'm sleeping alone. (Sighs) So get out.
WADE: No this is my key and it opened this room.. (Points at the keychain letters) See 4A, like in foreplay.
HANNA: My key fit this door too and I was here first. (Uneasy) There's only one bed in this room.
Much to the dismay of Hanna then Wade sits beside her on the bed.
WADE: It's mine but I'm willing to share it with you. (Looking at Hanna's legs) Since you're dressed like a sex toy.
HANNA: I was expecting my guy to come long on this trip but he broke up with me and I didn't have time to repack.
WADE: He dumped you? (Testily) Nim-rod! (Scoffs) There are guys who would treat you like a queen and worship the ground you walk on. (Upset) He's nuts, in fact someone should knock some since in that chumps fool head! Hell I'll do it!
HANNA: Well that's nice of you to say but I think I need to forget about guys, I've had nothing but bad luck with them.
WADE: Man, where is this guy? (Grunts) Because I'm going to stomp a mud hole in him for doing this to you!
HANNA: Nevermind, Wade? (Sighs) It's not like our relationship got past kissing and he's with someone else now.
WADE: Oh man, he dumped you for another girl and how could he not want to jump on you at least once first?
HANNA: No Wesley decided after he went to weekend camp that his soul mate was someone named Jasper.
WADE: Jasper? (Gasping) Agh!
HANNA: That's nothing, before Wesley. (Sighs) My first boyfriend Cory before left me because his family joined a cult.
WADE: See the problem is you need to stop going out with guys with wussy names like, Wesley and Cory. (Suave) What you need to do is go out with someone like... (Pauses) Me.
HANNA: Wade, no. (Hanna poses sexily) How many times do I have to tell you, that you are not my type?
WADE: Well you're not their type of woman. (Points at Hanna) Are you? (Scoffs) What's the matter with a guy like me?
HANNA: You want the whole list or just the top ten? (Picks up a pillow) Now will you please go?
WADE: Sorry duchess but I'm sleeping in this bed, with or without you.
HANNA: Oh you are such an ass! (Hits Wade with the pillow) Get out!
WADE: You are asking for it. (Grabs the other pillow) I think I'm going to give it to you too.
HANNA: You wouldn't dare! (Wade hits her with his pillow) Oh you!
Wade and Hanna get into a wild pillow fight, until he pins her to the bed.
WADE: All that energy wasted on a pillow fight. (Pants) I hope you saved some for me.
HANNA: Wade, get off! (Pants) Get off!
WADE: It's about time you stopped turning me down.
HANNA: I didn't mean it like that! (Hits at Wade) Get up.
WADE: Oh I am up, pumpkin.
Wade kisses Hanna who starts fighting him off but then gives in and starts kissing him back. Tonya knocks on a door and Charlie opens it only in his robe.
CHARLIE: What do you want?
TONYA: You to stop being rude to me for one thing. (Walking into the room) What's the matter with you anyway?
CHARLIE: Gee Tonya, you think it might be you? (Tonya sits on his bed) Well unless you came here to get...
Abruptly the obvious sounds of squeaking bed springs and muffed moaning come from the room next door.
TONYA: Who is in that room? (Charlie shrugs) They need to oil the bed springs over there.
CHARLIE: Are you game to go watch them from their window?
TONYA: No! (Suspiciously) I knew you were a pervert but I didn't know you were into voyeurism.
CHARLIE: There are all sorts of things you don't know about me, sweetheart.
TONYA: I'll keep that in mind, Charlie.
A brief silence as the obvious sounds next door abruptly stop, Charlie sits next to Tonya's legs.
CHARLIE: Whoa! (Scoffs) It's over already?
TONYA: Let's see that was less than five minutes? (Scoffs) Gee there's delusion of adequacy.
CHARLIE: If you need a subject to test your theory on. (Leans towards Tonya) I got all night.
TONYA: You've a male virgin so it would be only a matter of a minute of just foreplay before you got too excited.
CHARLIE: Only if you ravished me mercilessly or is that what you had in mind?
Tonya hits Charlie on the back but before she can say anything, the obvious sounds next door ring out again.
TONYA: I guess they took a break to cool down or something. (Slowly growing aroused) It's pretty hot so the friction from their body heat would be making them very sticky. (Grabs Charlie's shoulder) With all that bumping and grinding.
CHARLIE: (Very aroused) Uh,huh. (Grabs Tonya's knee) Gently caressing her soft, silky skin.
Tonya and Charlie eye each other nervously like they want to kiss each other.
HANNA: (V.O.) Oh! (Moaning) Oh Wade!
Tonya and Charlie are both shocked at this point, so they back off from each other.
TONYA: Wade? (Grimacing) Smucks? (Shutters) Oh no!
HANNA: (V.O.) Oh yes!
CHARLIE: My guess is a hooker, unless he's faking it with a recording or something.
TONYA: Well if he's not faking it, then she has to be.
CHARLIE: Good one. (Chuckles) Hey, you wouldn't fake it would you?
TONYA: (Offended) The only way I'd lay naked with Wade Smucks, would be in a mass grave.
CHARLIE: I didn't mean him, would you fake it with someone who wanted you very badly?
TONYA: When it happens he'll either hear me moan if he's good or yawn if he's lame, because I never fake anything.
CHARLIE: Mmm! (Eagerly) I'll keep that in mind, sweetheart.
Hanna wails in high intensity, as Wade grunts and the bed springs squeak louder and then banging on the wall. Tonya blinks her eyes fast, as the sound of change breaks lose and spills unto the floor next door.
TONYA: What in the world? (Laughing) What was that?
CHARLIE: The beds have a coin operated vibrator built into the headboard. (Digs in his pants pocket) Hold on.
Charlie finds a coin, then the bed starts to shake out of control and Tonya grabs his shoulder again.
TONYA: Ooooooooo! (Excited) You better turn that off!
CHARLIE: I can't but it will go off in a minute. (Chuckles) Whats the matter, is it too much for you to handle?
TONYA: Shut up! (The bed stops suddenly) Whoa.
WADE: (V.O.) Oh baby!
HANNA: (V.O.) Oooooo! (Cheers very loud) Ready? Ok?
CHARLIE: That's H... (Laughing) Han... (Falls on his back laughing on the bed) Han...
TONYA: Hanna with Wade? (Freaked out) It boggles the mind, the mere thought of them doing it makes me sick!
CHARLIE: I thought she hated him?
HANNA: (V.O.) Oh, ah! (Cheers very loud again) You magnificent stallion!
TONYA: Evently not. (Starts laughing with Charlie) Ugh!
CHARLIE: I can't believe she's... (Laughs) She's cheering him on
TONYA: I wonder if she's using her pom-poms?
The obvious sounds next door abruptly stop again, leaving the sounds of Tonya and Charlie laughing wildly together.
FULL FRAME TITLE: Where are we going in this handbasket?
Morning fades light into the room Hanna and Wade are in bed together, he slowly wakes up.
WADE: Oh man, what a dream. (Looking over at Hanna) Was that real or am I still dreaming?
Wade takes hold of his T-shirt sleve that Hanna has on, in her sleep she rolls over flops her arm on top of him.
WADE: Oh momma!
HANNA: (Half asleep) Let me sleep ten more minutes, please mother? (Waking up confused) Um, where am I?
WADE: On cloud nine with me, my little nymph.
Hanna puts her focus on Wade then she springs up screaming in horror, he sits up and puts his arm around her.
HANNA: Oh no! (Gasping) What have I done? (Pulls at Wade's shirt she has on) This didn't happen!
WADE: Sure it did. (Scoffs) Don't you remember? (Nuzzles Hanna) Me on top, then you on top?
HANNA: No, none of this ever happened. (Gasps) Not with you! (Yells) It won't ever happen again, so forget about it!
WADE: You can't deny how I made you feel and I know I'll never forget how you moaned my name with total pleaser.
HANNA: It was what it was but it was also a big mistake. (Sighs) Look we are completely wrong for each other.
Wade grabs the back of Hanna's head and kisses her like crazy, they fall backwards onto bed again.
FULL FRAME TITLE: Off the record, on the QT and very hush-hush.
Tonya, Charlie, Anton and Allison are eating breakfast. Allison is confused by the snickering going on between the them.
ALLISON: Tonya, you've been doing that all night. (Charlie and Tonya burst into laughter) Ok, what is it with you two?
CHARLIE: Lets play a game, Allison, Anton. (Drinks from his glass) If you guess what me and Tonya heard last night.
ALLISON: (Gasping) You heard me and Dominic last night?
TONYA: No. (Slowly) But I want to hear about this.
ANTON: Yes what did you two do last night, Allison?
ALLISON: He pushed me in the pool and I got sore at him for it. (Sighs) Then I spashed him and we had to change, so...
CHARLIE: Did you two end up in bed together?
ALLISON: No but...
TONYA: Save it for later cousin, because we know who did end up in bed together and... (Sighs) Hold on.
Dominic, Eric, Jasmyn and Violet walk into the hotels restaurant to join their friends.
DOMINIC: I see you're still mad at me.
ALLISON: (Rolls her eyes) Whatever gave you that idea?
ANTON: Hey? (Clears his throat) I want to know who Tonya and Charlie heard doing it last night.
ERIC: Was it with each other? (Tonya reaches over and slaps him on the head) Ow!
TONYA: Go air out your brain, Eric. (Coughs) I'll give you a hint, who isn't here?
VIOLET: Oh big deal you heard Chad and Clair, so what?
Everybody starts talking at once but then Hanna walks in with Wades jeans and T-shirt on, silence falls. She goes over to the coffee pot, picks it up and takes it to the table where everyone is sitting in shock but Eric. She drinks from the coffee pot.
ERIC: Is Wade going to come in here sporting your clothes?
Hanna puts the coffee pot down, then snaps to what Eric said and looks down at herself.
HANNA: Oh no! (Sobs) Now everybody knows.
ANTON: Duh! (Snickers) Tonya and Charlie over heard the action last night.
HANNA: Oh great, is that bitch reporter here too? (Yells) Did she film it for the world to see?
DOMINIC: If there is a hidden camera in that room it might end up in some porno someday.
HANNA: I'm going to end up living in a trailer park, having his kids and drinking with the sow who lives next door.
ERIC: Hey can I come over and party too?
HANNA: Oh you might as well.
Wade comes in with a huge smile on his face and sits by Hanna who drinks from the coffee pot again.
WADE: Good morning, everyone. (Puts his arm around Hanna) And how is my lady after all that steamy passion?
HANNA: I want to crawl inside a hole and die.
TONYA: Oh please, if you didn't want it, then you wouldn't have given in. (Sighs) You moaned out his name. (Fed up) And I know I'll never look at a horse again without hearing you mmm... (Weakly) Moaning out, you magnificent stallion.
JASMYN: Well there goes my appetite.
VIOLET: Magnificent stallion? (Sotto) More like a lame jackass.
CHARLIE: I totally agree with Tonya.
ANTON: There's a shocker.
HANNA: I'm weak. (Cries) And he's so good.
JASMYN: Wade? (Gags) Ew!
WADE: Hey? (Points at Jasmyn) I've heard enough out of you, red.
ANTON: Don't call her red, her name is Jasmyn.
HANNA: Oh shut up all of you! (Hits Wade) And you stay away from me!
Hanna gets up and runs outside, then Wade goes after her.
ERIC: Hanna wasn't wearing a bra. (Snickers) Sis boom bah!
Hanna opens the door to the room where her and Wade spent the night, she runs to the bathroom. As the bathroom door slams shut Wade comes in, he hears the shower start and he turns the handle of the bathroom door. The scene and theme music in the Hitchcock movie Psycho starts to play out. She takes off the jeans and the T-shirt, then she steps into the shower getting under the water. As she soaps up the figure of Wade comes toward the shower curtain, he swipes it open and she screams. In his clothes he gets in and kisses her neck, then her shoulders. She reaches out takes hold of the shower curtain and rips it from the rings. The dye from Wades jeans bleed down the drain, then a close up of her face resting on the floor. She rolls herself up in the shower curtain, then sits on the toilet and looks at Wade sitting in the tub.
HANNA: Wade, what have you done? (Wade starts laughing) Oh you think this is funny?
WADE: Yeah. (Hanna marches out) Come on, duchess?
Wade gets up turns off the water, shakes off some water on him and walks out of the bathroom. Hanna is in her slip, he start towards her when Tonya jimmies opens the door and walks in. She notices Wade is all wet and Hanna's only in a slip.
TONYA: I'm not going to ask but Wade, go wait in the R.V. for us.
WADE: Hey, just who in the hell do you think you are to come in here and...
TONYA: Go wait in the R.V. or what she gave pleaser to last night. (Looks down at Wades crotch) I will break off today.
HANNA: Wade, just do what she's says. (Wade walks out) Tonya, you're always in everyones business.
TONYA: Do you suppose maybe that's my job in this life? (Pauses) Besides I think you need a friends ear right now.
HANNA: Maybe her ear. (Steps into her dress) But not her mouth.
TONYA: Sorry I can't break up the set. (Helping Hanna with her dress) Here I'll help you zip it up.
HANNA: Thanks. (Zipping sound) Well let's have it? (Turns to face Tonya) The sharp wit and wisdom of Tonya Nimon.
TONYA: Allison told me something just now, about the little talk you two had not long ago. (Hanna sighs) She felt it didn't matter if she told me under these circumstances. (Pauses) About how she cault you checking out Wade that time.
HANNA: What the hell is wrong with me, why do I want him so much? (Wearily) I fought it but I have to face it, I do.
TONYA: Believe me I know how you feel. (Uneasy) If it means anything, there are few things about him you don't know and I think I should let you know. (Gently) Remember that date I had with Wade? (Hanna nods) Hum, how do I put this?
HANNA: Oh just tell me for crying out loud!
TONYA: I was his first date but you were his first everything else.
HANNA: That's why he... (Gasps) So fast the first time? (Shocked) But it wasn't like he didn't make up for it all night long.
TONYA: Um, hello? (Clears her throat) I was next door with Charlie, believe me we heard all of it.
HANNA: So what what were you two up to last night? (Amused) Did anything happen?
TONYA: We spent the night laughing at the two of you, especially when we heard the bed break in here.
HANNA: Um, yeah. (Giggles) Have the bill sent to me.
TONYA: I was planning on it anyway. (Pauses) Damn, you must have mounted him like a stallion? (Chuckles) Hum?
HANNA: No comment. (Walking out) Come on lets hit the road shall we?