"My Most Frequently Asked Questions" and Other E-Mail Issues.
First of all - No I didn't make any of these up so please do NOT write to ask me that. Spare me this question please?!
Everything I'm posting on this HTML comes from E-mail I've gotten since I decided to plaster my creative stuff over the internet.
Also I would like to say that I HATE SPAM! I have had some jack off's sending me all sorts of Spam and these same jack off's ruined my GUEST BOOK with their ads! Let me make myself perfectly clear, DO NOT SEND ME ANY SPAM! Damn carpetbaggers!
With that being said here comes the FAQ section of this HTML.
Q: Do you mind getting anonymous E-mail?
A: YES I do! NEVER send me any "anonymous" E-mail whatsoever! I NEVER open this type of E-mail, I simply just delete it. If there is no return E-mail address, name or if the subject has RE: (none) or a blank field. Do NOT waste your time sending it to me! Thank you.
Q: Where did you get all the poems and/or art work on your web site?
A: I wrote all the poems/lyrics and stories, same with the art work. It came from the gray matter in my skull. (All my work is copyrighted under my name, so hands off it) It's a life time of work and it will go on until I die! Why is everyone so astonished by that?
Q: Where do you come up with your ideas? ~ Can I submit any idea's to you?
A: Again it comes from the gray matter in my skull. (I did not find some magic box of ideas in a enchanted forest) Also you can submit idea's to me but I may not use them. If I do then you get no as, in ZERO credit for sending to me. So you might want to think twice before sending me any ideas. That way I won't get anyone trying to sue me over any of this later on. Sorry but that's just the way it is. I pretty much come up with my own ideas anyway. Some of it while I'm either asleep or doing something mundane like washing clothes. Also watching the mindless masses at the mall or grocery stores. All sorts of things happen at these places that a writer can see latent use for. LOL!
Q: Is your canvas art work for sale?
A: I really don't have enough canvas work to sale any of it. Not yet anyway, check back after I die. By then they might find my corpse by some more canvas painting I've done. I don't know, so far I only have a few of these done because oil paint is so messy.
Q: Why do you not put a date on your work?
A: I'm not anal retentive that's why! I hate when anything has to have a label or be set in a certain time frame or age. Unless it has to do with a real crime story or some event in history that it would matter. Otherwise I like to think of it as timeless. Is that so wrong?!
Q: Do you really get that much E-mail and Spam?
A: YES! That's why I'm spending this rainy gloomy day writing out this FAQ HTML out. So maybe you don't have to write me after all if these questions are even remotely the same as yours. All you have to do is read what I wrote here and be a happy camper. If not then go ahead and write if you must but please ask yourselves if I want to read it or not first. If yes then write it and send it.
As for any of you carpetbaggers do NOT send me anymore Spam! I do NOT want your damn Spam! If you send me anymore, may the camel of life leave a big steamy gift in your shoes! I can only hope that fate will come along and get even with you for me. I hope all you ad people get severe dysentery (diarrhea) to the point where it feels like liquid hell fire is shooting out of your worthless butts! Thus rendering your vision so weak you can't make out the numbers on your cell phones to dial 911. Damn carpetbaggers! UGH!
AND NOW FOR THE HALL OF STUPIDITY! (Stupid Repetitive FAQ)
I would like to point out that I sometimes get VAGUE questions or statements! Like, "Wow I feel so sorry for you" and they don't go into any details or reasons why. Is it too much to ask for any of you vague people to put more information about that you are referring to? So I can know WTF you are talking about!
Q: I can't read the text on your site, how do I make the text bigger?
A: This question is first for 1 reason! Some guy named HENRY keeps E-mailing me over and over again asking me this! I already gave this "genius" an answer but he keeps sending me this same old tired question anyway! As much as I've come to loathe HENRY, I'd like to go hunting with him sometime. Heh, heh! UPDATE: He's gone!
Q: Why don't you have a forum instead of making us email you questions?
A: I do not have the time on my hands to spend being a "moderator" for a forum board. I've been to other forums and had too many bad experiences. Some people there are alright but forums are a breeding ground for trolls, imps, whiners and Spam sending carpetbaggers! UGH!
Q: What pisses you off to no end?
A: This question.
Q: Would you give me advice about how to make a web site like yours?
A: The only advice I'll give you is to go read the dry text books I did. Sorry but I do not have time to go into all this, I'm just too busy.
Q: Can we meet some place? For drinks or dinner or Blah, blah, blah!
A: NO! NO! NO! So stop asking me this already! I'm on the net for my creative skills ONLY, not to meet perverts! Go find a porn site and leave me alone!
Q: Why did you change your site, blah, blah, blah? ~ Why did you remove this or that, blah, blah, blah?
A: Because it's MY site and I will do what I want with it! DUH!
Q: Why is your site so large?A: I'm incredibly sick of this question! Just wait, it's going to be even larger! Ha, ha!
Q: Why do you have to cuss in the stories you write? ~ The cussing offends me, why do you have to add that?
A: Oh play me like a violin! So I cuss a little, you hear that same amount on regular TV anyway. I try to avoid the "F" word in my stories but only because so many people use it so often. It's way too redundant in most movies and out on the streets. I'd rather not hear ir so much myself. But it's there and sometimes you just have to live with it.